Executive Decree DC-005: On the Arrival of Extraterrestrial Entities and the Establishment of the Interstellar Contact Protocol

Thu, 02 Apr 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Summary

This office has been made aware, through intelligence channels it does not fully endorse, that extraterrestrial entities may be arriving on or around Sunday, 5 April 2026.

The intelligence originated from the platform known as “TikTok” and has since proliferated across “Instagram” and other civilian communication networks. This office does not recognise TikTok as an accredited intelligence source. However, this office does not dismiss what it cannot yet disprove. The evidence is, at minimum, circumstantial. At maximum, it is alarming.

Executive Decree: On the Sanctity of the Couch

Mon, 09 Mar 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Originally filed 8 January 2019. Digitised from the physical archive by order of the Chairman.

Filed by: The Office of the Chairman Classification: Executive Directive — Property Rights & Sovereignty Threat Level: Level 2 — Internal Policy

PREAMBLE

Whereas the Conglomerate has, since its founding, maintained operational governance from a particular couch located in the primary sitting room;

Whereas said couch has served as the seat of all major policy decisions, resource allocation discussions, threat assessments, and strategic planning;

Decree on The Conglomerate Barks

Executive Decree DC-005: On the Arrival of Extraterrestrial Entities and the Establishment of the Interstellar Contact Protocol

Summary

Executive Decree: On the Sanctity of the Couch