Protocol on The Conglomerate Barks

Executive Decree DC-005: On the Arrival of Extraterrestrial Entities and the Establishment of the Interstellar Contact Protocol

Thu, 02 Apr 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Summary

This office has been made aware, through intelligence channels it does not fully endorse, that extraterrestrial entities may be arriving on or around Sunday, 5 April 2026.

The intelligence originated from the platform known as “TikTok” and has since proliferated across “Instagram” and other civilian communication networks. This office does not recognise TikTok as an accredited intelligence source. However, this office does not dismiss what it cannot yet disprove. The evidence is, at minimum, circumstantial. At maximum, it is alarming.

DIRECTIVE: Mandatory Porch Inspection Protocol

Wed, 11 Feb 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Originally filed 3 May 2025. Digitised from the physical archive by order of the Chairman.

Filed by: The Office of the Chairman

Classification: National Security — Territorial Sovereignty

Threat Level: Elevated

DIRECTIVE: Mandatory Porch Inspection Protocol

EXECUTIVE SUMMARY

Whereas the integrity of this household’s territorial boundaries has come under repeated scrutiny, and whereas recent incidents have demonstrated the insufficiency of ad-hoc inspection procedures, this office hereby establishes the Mandatory Porch Inspection Protocol effective immediately upon filing.