Situation Report: The Backyard Squirrel Escalation and Asset QR-1 Designation

Sat, 14 Mar 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Filed by: The Office of the Chairman Classification: Internal Security — Terrestrial Threats Threat Level: ELEVATED

SITUATION SUMMARY

This office has determined that the backyard sector of Conglomerate territory has been systematically infiltrated by a ground-based paramilitary organisation operating under the designation “Squirrels.” Unlike the airborne threat vectors documented in GL-001 (the Aviator Crisis), squirrels constitute a distinct threat taxonomy: they are terrestrial operatives with documented vertical assault capabilities, stealth protocols, and, most troublingly, a complete disregard for the Chairman’s optical surveillance perimeter.

Squirrels on The Conglomerate Barks

Situation Report: The Backyard Squirrel Escalation and Asset QR-1 Designation